I have been trying to decide all week what I would write for my weekly post, it being my first content week, and this morning while subbing at a local high school, I stumbled across something that made me think, “Really?”
I know that this ages me, but I loved the movie Say Anything. And the moment when John Cusack stands out side the window, playing a love song for the female he loves, is one of my favorite parts. Then today, I saw a meme categorizing this moment as rape culture at its purest. Now, for those who haven’t seen the film, this scene occurs as an attempt to win back the love of his life who will soon be leaving the country for a type of study abroad trip.
This made me wonder…have I been wrong all these years? Does my endearment for this film constitute my silent acceptance of rape culture? That thought led me to a swirling, headache-inducing replay of movies, books, television shows…the whole time questioning whether or not they promote rape culture. This naturally lead me to the idea of fairy tales. I am not ashamed to admit that I was naive about fairy tales until I reached higher education. Of course, I never watched them–I just wasn’t interested in them as a child, and my son never showed an interest in them, so it was a non-issue. I took a course in fairy tales when my daughter was about two years old. After the course, I vowed that my little girl would never watch them. (I later retracted this ruling).
After having this mind debate for about an hour, I came to a conclusion: I need more opinions on this topic..hence, this post.
To me, rape culture is a constant in society. Rape exists. It happens, even in 2017, in outrageous numbers. We tell women to protect themselves, to be aware of their surroundings, to ever leave their drinks unattended, to make sure that they travel in groups when at clubs or parties, to be careful not to dress to provocatively, and, of course, as women, we try to protect ourselves. It is categorically unfair to expect women to be able to stop rapists by following those safety warnings.
But is it fair to tell my six year old that she cannot watch Beauty and the Beast because it portrays an abusive relationship? Should I stop watching Say Anything when I come across it on TV because it shows a teenage boy attempting to convince his girlfriend to reconsider their break up? Do we promote male dominance and abuse daily without knowing it?
I welcome all feedback and opinions on this subject.
NEW CONTENT:
After I published this last night, I was bothered by what I wrote. It has been nagging at me all night and morning, because I don’t think that I was clear in what my issue/question/concern is. Here is the problem. I see exactly why this image of John Cussack plays into the rape culture that is so prevalent in our society. It shows a man, standing outside his ex’s window, forcing confrontation, showing no respect for her decision, and refusing to take no for an answer. All of which is horrible. Yet, I never made that realization until yesterday. Beauty and the Beast, a best selling fairy tale, shows a woman, being held against her will, refused food and social inteation, until she submits to the will of the beast. Horrible. But I never saw that until Bardenhagen’s Fairy Tale course. Why?
Is the culture of male dominance so inherently and subliminally fed to us from childhood that I am just blind to it in everyday life? Obviously, I see it when it slaps me in the face, but why did I not see these other examples before. I believe myself to be an intelligent, analytical woman. How then, do I miss these things? How do I, as a woman, mother, teacher, scholar, do my part to fight rape culture when I am blind to it sometimes? This bothers me.
February 18, 2017 at 4:27 am
My friends for a long time called me innocent and often told me that I was shielded from all the bad things. The thing is I have never been so open about topics like sex, abuse and rape. I a bit on the shy place on this but it wasn’t because I was shield. I just never really spoken about it openly like my friends did. I never lived abuse but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exit. The time that I came across an abusive conflict was not even mine to deal with my younger sister is now adopted by my parent at that time my sisters biological parents were constant in fist fights and I happen to witness one, I can not tell you the impact this did to me. I had no idea how to react, it happen so fast. What I’m trying to say is yes you keep young children from viewing it but I think they need to be aware of the dangers. It’s only a matter of time of either they witness it or encounter it them-self’s.
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February 24, 2017 at 11:21 pm
I agree that regardless of how much we attempt to shelter our children, they will eventually see the evils of the world. I don’t really know that I believe it is possible to shelter our children any more. I know that my kids are exposed to so much more in everyday life than I ever was as a child, simply because so much information in available. My thirteen year old son just made a joke the other day about sex. I was so shocked, I didn’t even know how to reply. I am not naïve enough to think that he doesn’t have those kinds of conversations with his friends at school, but the boldness of him cracking a sex joke in front of me was shocking.
I want my children to be aware of the realities of the world we live in. What scares me is how much this world is changing. For me, society had begun a slow progression toward acceptance that I fear is now beginning to slip away. I fear that because of my own inability to see some of the messages out there in the land of popular media, I am exposing them to ideas that will forever be ingrained into their minds, and I won’t even realize it.
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February 21, 2017 at 10:07 pm
One of the reasons I was drawn to your post is your discussion of beloved fairy tales and if we should still allow our children to watch them. I was in this same conversation about Disney’s recent remake of Cinderella: some of my colleagues believed that Disney still made Cinderella too submissive, weak-willed, etc. I do think that there are still movies made today (for sure) that feature male-dominant desires and ideas (Fifty Shades of Gray), but I think we can also teach our children some discernment between reality and “fairy tales.”
For example, when discussing Cinderella I pointed out that from a historical perspective Cinderella’s story makes the most sense. Cinderella’s mother dies so her father marries another woman so that Cinderella may be brought up by a mother figure (all very much in line with English culture of the 1500s). In our modern society we may be baffled by her father’s decision and see it as destructive; however, it was also the reality for many in that era (her father would have been the only person truly supporting the family). The other thing that many people point out about Cinderella is that she is only able to escape her step family by meeting a prince and marrying him–hence, the Prince saves the day. Again, we can look at this from a historical perspective–still very much in line with the culture of that era–women were often not educated and unable to own property or start businesses.
So, at least when it comes to historical fairy tales, we can teach our children to discern from “fairy tale” and reality (while also teaching a history lesson!). Girls/women today are not falling in love with princes, living in castles, defeating maleficent beings, or performing magic. It actually appears that most young girls in our era are recognizing the difference between these fairy tales and reality. Also, Disney appears to be stepping in the right direction with many of their story lines (such as Frozen), and focusing on female heroines who get the job done without male help (Brave). Even in the remake of Cinderella we see more of the relationship between father and daughter (Cinderella appears to have some sort of educational background; likely due to her middle/upper class upbringing). This, to me, is all positive affirmation that we are going in the right direction. Teach your children (both boys and girls) that they can do anything, no matter their sex/gender, and I think we will be fine.
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February 25, 2017 at 1:57 pm
I bring up Anita Sarkeesian a lot, but I’m going to do it again! To hopefully dispel any issues with her in-depth analysis, she begins all of her videos by saying that, “This series will include critical analysis of many beloved games and characters but remember, that it’s both possible, and even necessary to simultaneously enjoy media, while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects.” Just because you enjoy a book, a movie, a game, etc. doesn’t mean that there aren’t problems with it. It’s important for us to not ignore the fact that part of our jobs as critical consumers is to do exactly that. Enjoy the things we want to enjoy, but always keep in mind that we can always expect better.
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