To sort of piggyback off my last post regarding feminism being “over,” for this week’s blog I’d like to talk about the notion that our society has moved past traditional gender roles. I noticed some discussion on the topic on another blog entry and had so many thoughts I decided to dedicate my own post to them.
I think, as with feminism, the media has something to do with this assumption that gender roles are falling to the wayside. We see a much wider variety of characters on television and film than we used to that don’t always play in to our traditional gender roles. As mentioned in my last post, women fulfill many powerful roles on television now, and some shows even allow men to kiss other men! But in seriousness, transgender characters in particular come to mind, such as Laverne Cox playing Sophia Burset on the wildly popular Netflix show Orange is the New Black.
A show called I am Jazz on The Learning Channel documents a young trans girl’s story, while shows like Transparent on Amazon feature trans characters as well; we even saw a trans character in a big movie like Dallas Buyers Club. With transgender people being represented across the media, one might think that transgender people are accepted across the country, and that we’re breaking down barriers, but many issues still remain. In fact, several trans women have already been murdered in the U.S. this year, and I’m sure you’ve all heard about the Bathroom Bill controversy.
An interesting correlation I’ve noticed is that as positive images of trans people in the media have increased over the last several years, so has the prevalence of “gender reveal” parties for people having babies, as well as the controversy surrounding public bathrooms.
I have considered that this obsession with gender and enforcing it can be at least somewhat attributed to backlash against the attempted loosening of gender identities. I think we see this kind of backlash precisely because we hold so tight to our traditional gender roles. No matter how far it seems we have come in this regard, society can still have a very narrow picture of what a woman or man is supposed to be.
We like to say women have more options now and can do whatever they please, but we shame working mothers for putting their kids in daycare, and shame stay-at-home-moms for being “lazy” (yeah freaking right). And, speaking as a 28-year-old married woman without children, people still think it’s WEIRD for a woman to not also be a mother. Just yesterday my mother told me she’d love a grandbaby hint hint. She literally said the words “hint hint.”
If I were to become pregnant, I’m positive my husband and I would have to fulfill traditional gender roles. He would be able to make more money than I could, because of the wage gap that still exists. It would be irresponsible to not assume traditional roles and stay home myself while he goes to work.
For this reason and others like it, I do not think we can really say gender roles are on their way out. We’d have to have mass upheaval of our current system for these roles to truly be eradicated. I believe we would have to start raising boys and girls the same way from birth to actually get rid of these roles and ensure equality between genders.
Which made me wonder: what would it even mean to raise a child with no gender roles forced upon them? How would we really go about doing that? It seems nearly impossible; even if I can figure out how, the moment they go off to school, or to Grandma’s house, I can no longer control who tells my little boy not to cry or my little girl that she’s a princess.
I’ll admit I have daydreamed about gender neutral nurseries before. I always land on a Harry Potter theme, or Dr. Seuss, or books in general. So, if I would deck out a girl’s nursery in Harry Potter stuff, would we use a book with a female protagonist to decorate a boy’s room? *I* probably wouldn’t care, but what do you guys think society at large would think? What would you guys consider gender neutral?
I’ll leave you guys with this, as it makes me laugh every time I see it:
Discovering Feminism 
March 8, 2017 at 3:44 pm
The correlation you made between rising tension with transgender issues and a new found societal interest in gender reveal parties was so interesting. I didn’t really consider the idea that the increased frequency with which we now see gender reveal parties might be a response and/or rebellion against current issues.
I also agree that the media and popular TV shows are starting to include a wider diversity of characters, including transgender, but that this might also just be a distraction from real life issues that trans people are still dealing with.
The tumblr meme at the end made me laugh even though it’s true. Our society’s obsession with needing to know other people’s gender is quite creepy, and when you break it down into it’s literal context, it’s all the more creepy lol.
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March 9, 2017 at 2:03 pm
This is actually something that was sort of brought up in one of my comment streams on a previous post–namely, the whole idea of raising a gender neutral child. And you’re right! It’s nearly impossible in our society as it is today. I have found it an almost moot point because everything that has to do with a baby from pregnancy and on is gendered. We opted our of doing the whole gender reveal party thing precisely because we did not want to force a gender on our baby. Our actual baby shower was a coed shower, and we basically just treated it like a big party for our family and friends to join us in celebrating the pregnancy. We knew our baby was a girl by that point. But our shower was themed a luau, and we even went as far as to specifically ask guests not to shower us with pink products for our baby. Our nursery colors are gender neutral, as is most all of our toys, highchair, car seat, etc. I find it reassuring that a friend if mine who also has a baby has the exact same nurseru, highschair, carseat, etc as we do–and her baby is a boy! So in many ways, we tried to be as gender neutral as possible so as to create an environment in which our child can freely become who she is supposed to be in her life.
…but that’s all just a pipe dream really. With all of our planning and trying to remain gender neutral, it’s still impossible in this day and age. Everything from the womb to the birth seems to revolve around the sex of the child. And then everything after the child is born has to do with the sex. You cannot escape it. And it’s always the first question people ask you (that is if you don’t put a huge bow on your babies head), is it a boy or a girl? Like knowing whether or not the child has this anatomy or that will somehow make a difference to a stranger just wanting to pinch it’s fat baby cheeks. Anyway, I feel like I’ve just been ranting here, but this is an issue that hits home with me because I feel like I’ve failed in my attempt to provide my baby with a gender neutral environment. But that’s not to say that I’m not going to remain open about her gender and provide her with all of the options in the world when she does come to the age that she begins to form her own self-identity. But for now, her environment is going to remain a little more feminine than neutral simply because that’s how our society frames all thing baby related–as either feminine or masculine.
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March 9, 2017 at 2:14 pm
I typed my original comment out on my phone, and I still can’t figure out how to edit a comment. So please excuse the many typing errors on my comment–especially my use of “babies” when it should be “baby’s” because it’s really bothering me. I tried to go back and fix them, but alas I cannot figure it out.
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March 23, 2017 at 3:18 pm
I do not think you’ve failed in your attempt to keep things gender neutral; it’s hardly your fault the task is so impossible! I have faith you’ll raise your daughter to know she is capable of doing anything she pleases, and so it will probably not matter much if some of her onseies were pink as an infant. She is very lucky to have a mother who even considered the way gender roles could be forced on her, and made any attempt at all to shield her from that.
I expressed concern in my response to rampantreader4 about the “transition generation,” but here you are as proof that there are definitely feminist moms out there, fighting the good fight – which makes me very excited about the future.
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March 11, 2017 at 3:59 am
I’ve never connected gender reveal parties as a form of backlash to the breaking of gender boundaries. The bathroom bills I definitely recognized as backlash, I guess because it’s the most obvious, but I had never considered something so seemingly innocent as party for an unborn baby. It’s crazy how early our society begins to imprint gender roles on children. It’s kind of scary how it’s so subtle that, unless you already know what to look for or if someone points it out to you, you don’t recognize it. And those that don’t recognize it also don’t recognize how damaging it is. Today, I was watching TV and a commercial came on encouraging young girls to pursue STEM degrees.
Here is the link to the commercial:
The one thing about the commercial that shocked me the most was the statistic in the end saying that only 6.7% of women graduate with STEM degrees. Before watching the commercial, I had known that the number of women in STEM fields was low, but I didn’t know it was that bad. I feel like there is some progress in overcoming gender boundaries, like with the increase in transgender representation in media, and commercials like this one encouraging young girls to overcome the gender stereotype that says women aren’t suited for STEM degrees. Unfortunately, I agree with you that the traditional gender roles are too ingrained in our society to die away without a fight. I also think it’s probably impossible to raise a child without having them exposed to gender stereotypes in some shape or form.
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March 23, 2017 at 2:13 pm
Your video reminded me of this one (that I have already shared in a feminism class, so forgive me anyone in that class, too):
I think it’s so important to nail down when exactly girls start believing they can’t do all the things boys can, because it seems obvious that they aren’t born feeling this way. The video you shared and the “Like a Girl” one both demonstrate that girls start out with the knowledge that they are strong, smart, and capable, but somewhere along the way we teach them otherwise. What better proof is there that gender roles are learned and not necessarily inherent? And that they are definitely still being employed, and doing their damage.
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March 20, 2017 at 4:16 pm
I haven’t looked at the previous comments yet, because I wanted to go ahead and answer your questions without looking at those (sorry if I repeat anything!) I recently had this same conversation with one of my friends. There are somewhat some loosening gender expectations in our society, but I like what you said about the backlash to the loosening of gender roles. I can’t tell you how often I roll my eyes at the gender reveal cakes that have “bows or balls” or something along those lines. The parents of those unborn babies have a clear-cut image of what their child is going to like/dislike, and that makes me kind of sad. Will they be disappointed if their little girl like sports? Or if their boy likes dresses and barbie dolls?
The thing that my friend and I were discussing is the color selections for girls and boys. We agreed that pretty much any color can be used for a girl’s room, but there are certain colors that one would never use for a baby boy’s room (pink and purple to be specific). It seems to be a result of the changing environment for women (that women can do all the things that boys can do), but it seems like it’s not going in the other way. Boys aren’t really encouraged to do things that “girls do” (such as dress-up or play with dolls). This is definitely due to the belief that if boys do what girls do, they are either sissy or gay. Of course there are some things girls can do that make them seem “boyish,” such as playing sports, but I don’t think anyone would say that boys have the market on the color blue.
I think the only thing that can be done to raise a gender neutral society is for us to be very careful with our words and actions. You have to raise girls and boys exactly the same (same curfews, same rules, etc.) This is going to be hard, especially if they go to grandma’s house, and would take a very long time. We are kind of the “transition generation.”
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March 23, 2017 at 2:25 pm
Being the “transition generation” is something I’ve thought about before. It sounds so exciting, and I’d love to be part of the population pushing things forward. But something always nags at me. I worry that those most likely to raise their male and female children equally are the ones least likely to actually have any children. As a personal example, I have 4 sisters. Of the 5 of us, the two of us who are known feminists (my younger sister and I, the two youngest of the group. Side note, I wonder if age affects this…hmmm) do not have any children, and do not have any immediate plans for any either. My other three sisters all already have children, and they are all three much more traditional than my younger sister and me, and so are raising their children that way.
Sometimes I see this trend reflected in society at large and worry a bit about the future actually becoming any better regarding gender roles. Though, it would be stereotypical of me to assume that ALL feminists will remain childless. I know real feminism affords every women the opportunity to make whatever decision she feels; so, I am holding out that surely there is hope yet for the “transition generation.”
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March 25, 2017 at 1:33 am
My sincere questions is why do people want to erase gender.
Babies are obviously born as female or male. They have different purposes. Why the urgency to make them homogenous? They’re not.
I see no correlation between the acceptance of transgender people and others with different life styles/choices. My thought on the rise of gender reveal parties correlates with the increase of social media in which more and more people can share their personal special events with many, or make more people part of them, or even, as people see ideas on social media, they follow suit and have their own parties. The gender reveal parties I have been to have absolutely nothing to do with the increase of acceptance of varying lifestyles. That would have been the furthest thing from these new parents’ minds.
I’m not opposed to gender neutral bedrooms for babies as you describe, Dr. Seuss, Harry Potter, etc., but I really like gender specific décor, too. The thing is, I suspect the vast majority of environments around the world are neutral because of poverty or the lack of availability of decor or some such situation, yet those children grow up to be men and women. I don’t understand why gender neutrality in a baby’s room becomes a thing. Provide the child with every opportunity and let them choose. The majority will grow up to be what they are – male or female.
I believe if we continue to try to smudge the differences between men and women, it will only create problems. I am reminded of the recent news item in which a male, if I recall, possibly a transgender male, chose to compete in a female powerlifting competition. And won. So, everybody has been rooting for the transgender, but who is now standing up for the females that lost their opportunity because, in actuality, a male bested them in the competition.
Of course gender roles are not on the way out. They never will be because we will always have male and female and there is nothing wrong with that. It was the plan from the beginning. The different roles have a purpose. Can there be some crossing of purpose, such as stay-at-home dads? Certainly, there can.
I get it – some people face difficulties because of what they choose to be. A true right-thinking Christian would show them love. Just because someone disagrees with someone else’s lifestyle doesn’t mean there is hatred. Yes, I know, some display that, but that’s not everybody.
One last thing – as far as the thing you left your readers with goes, my though is gender is more than genitals.
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March 28, 2017 at 1:49 pm
Hi ggdouglasblog,
The problem that the author was trying to get across is that often in gender reveal parties, we “pre-select” what we want our children to be: Girls=bows, frills, ballerinas, while boys=baseballs, sports, tools, etc. There are many of us girls out there (especially me) that have never liked bows, frills, or the color pink (yuck!). I could go on and on about this topic, and I have already commented on this post, but I wanted to point out something else that you mentioned. The transgender male that competed in the wrestling competition–was born female–so he HAD to compete with the girls. He wanted to compete with the males in the wrestling competition, but was unable due to the rules of the competition. So we can’t really fault the transgender male, now can we?
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April 10, 2017 at 11:43 am
The problem with gender, or why some might want to erase it, comes down to the inequality between genders. If each gender were simply different than the other, that would be one thing. But a problem arises when one gender is assumed to be better than or somehow above the other. Women are assumed to be weaker and less intelligent than men, and are therefore treated as such (are paid less for the same jobs, aren’t allowed agency over their own bodies). I don’t actually believe there was a “plan” from the beginning, but I would hope it was not for women to be walked all over by men.
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